He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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