I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
