After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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