that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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