I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
