I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
