i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
