So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
