Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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