i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
