remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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