Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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