True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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