Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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