plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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