the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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