Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
