I only kidnapped one of them. chill
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
