Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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