I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
