I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
