Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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