i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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