Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
