I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
