Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
