I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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