Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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