I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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