fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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