Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
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