I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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