I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
