Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
