thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
