Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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