Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
