Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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