it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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