He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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