hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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