i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
