I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
