I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
