So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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