Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
