She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you win again, gameday.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
