Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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