Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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