if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I need to align my fucking chakras
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
