my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's just like the Real World with babies
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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