I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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