I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
