I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
