i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
